“ Just someone to lay down beside me. And even though it's not real.”
-Karla Bonoff (Linda Ronstadt)

I recently read a fascinating column by Pittsburgh Post-Gazette columnist Samantha Bennett about cuddle parties.

People pay $20 to $30 to spend three hours cuddling with a room full of strangers. 

It is not about sex, as sex is not allowed. It is about people starved for affection.

My first reaction was, "What is the world coming to?" I can't imagine people being so disconnected from human contact that they would pay money to cuddle with a bunch of strangers. 

Then I realized that paying a stranger to lie down beside you is one of the oldest practices around. Millions of people go to Internet chat rooms looking to connect to somebody or anybody. Not to mention people who give intimate details of their lives on blogs or web pages.

There are a lot of lonely people out there. 

When we make out our list of societal ills, you usually don't see loneliness listed-- yet it is the root of many problems.

When they profile serial killers, it almost always turns out to be the story of a lonely and isolated individual. Rarely do they tell of one who fits into society. The killers got angry about being outcasts and decided to take it out on someone else. 

Maybe a cuddle party would have helped. It certainly couldn't have hurt.

At first, I was outraged at the cuddle party organizers. They are making money off of people with problems. Then I realized they weren't the first ones. Guys like Larry Flynt and Hugh Heffner have made money off of lonely people for a long time. 

Unlike Larry and Heff, I don't think the cuddle party organizers will get rich.

If cuddle parties catch on, non-profit groups and churches could organize them at no cost and put the pay-to-cuddle people out of business. 

It is an interesting idea but a bad business model.

It is hard to watch people pay to overcome loneliness, but the cuddle party people are a bargain at $20 to $30. I have watched people fork over millions in search of affection. 

Those are the people who find new friends or a new significant other.

I handle money for widows and widowers. They are people who receive significant dollars from life insurance and injury settlements. 

The hurting people are prime picking for leeches and gold diggers. It seems like the slimiest jerks comb the obituaries looking for new prospects.

I am sure that some do. 

I've watched too many people be taken to the cleaners by new friends and spouses. You can see the scum coming from a mile away, but the widow or widower can't.

They want affection and someone to replace the person they lost. 

A cuddle party might not be bad for some widows and widowers. People are not thinking straight after the loss of a spouse. They need time to regain their emotional stability. Some affection, even from strangers, might help them get their bearings.

Instead, I see people fall deeply for the first person that smiles at them or their wallet. The new friend or significant other stays until the money runs out and then goes on in search of another victim. 

The widow or widower is left embarrassed, with no money and a huge drop in self-esteem.

They could really use a cuddle party then. 

Loneliness is not a simple ailment to cure. It has been around for a long time and shifts in society are making it worse. We now connect more through technology and less through direct contact.

The people showing up at cuddle parties crave affection. Yet although they are doing something that seems pretty weird, they could be healthier than those who don't go. The cuddlers recognize that they have a problem and are trying to do something about it. 

Society is not going to cure loneliness. There will always be someone wanting someone to lie down beside them, be it real or not.

And there will always be someone trying to make a dollar off of it.

Don McNay is President of McNay Settlement Group and has days when a cuddle party would be a good idea. His award-winning column is syndicated on the CNHI News Service. You can write to him at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it '; document.write( '' ); document.write( addy_text57111 ); document.write( '<\/a>' ); //-->\n This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or read other things that he has written at www.donmcnay.com