My father, a real one

Half of the fathers with sons and daughters don't even wanna take 'em
But it's so easy for them to make 'em
It's true, if it weren't for you then the child wouldn't exist
After a skeeze, there's responsibilities, so don't resist
Be a father to your child

 -Ed O.G and Da Bulldogs

 There is a scene in the movie The Godfather where Don Corleone says, “A man who is not a father to his children can never be a real man.”

 If the Godfather was correct, there are a lot of guys who aren’t real men.

 Millions of men make babies and leave the raising to someone else.

 Except for the children involved. They are out of luck.

 The absent-dad problem is worst during the holidays. There are two scenarios: one is that the dad doesn’t come around. The child might be better off not spending time with human garbage, but it isolates them from friends who have dads.   

 The other scenario is where the dad makes an annual appearance on Christmas Day.  After not being around all year, the absentee dad wants kudos for dropping off a Nintendo.  

The other 364 days he leaves to someone else.

 I am an adoptive dad and got into it late. My children are what I am proudest of.   

 Millions of men  miss out on that joy.  If they show at all, they expect the child’s love for throwing them a  few dollars. It don’t work that way. 

 Parenthood is a chance to make a difference and leave a legacy.

 Too many men are screwing their  legacy up. Children should be more important than drinking beer or watching television. 

 I can’t just pick on guys. Some women dump their children too. One of my friends was “Mr. Mom” in addition to being a full-time worker. His son turned out to be an outstanding man, but parenting was a solo effort on the dad’s part.

 Just like it is for millions of single mothers.

 Law enforcement has done a better job of tracking down “deadbeat dads” and making them pay child support. Most men pay voluntarily.

 It’s not about the money; it is about responsibility.  All animals are capable of nurturing their young. Humans should be somewhere  above the level of dogs and cats.

 You know society is screwed up when I quote rappers and Mafia chiefs for their glimpses of morality.

 Yet both Ed O.G and the Godfather nail the issue: there must be a societal stigma against guys that abandon their children.

 Society lets absentee dads skate. I grew up in an environment where the mores of The Godfather were the norm, but it was a world where a man stood up and took responsibility for being a father. 

 It may have been limited to weekends, but fathers were around and involved.

 When my parents divorced, my dad moved just a short distance away. He either saw or talked to us almost every day. When he remarried, he filled a parental role for my stepsister.

 Dad never gave himself a pat on the fatherhood back. It was something that came naturally, like breathing. He had no respect for guys who shirked their duties.

 That attitude is in short supply.    

 I was looking forward to the movie Dreamgirls. I think I’ll skip it now.

 Eddie Murphy, one of the movie’s stars, apparently got his girlfriend pregnant just recently.  He denies being the father and trash talks  the girlfriend.

 This is my advice to Eddie: “Eddie, you know how babies are created.  If you got yourself in that position, it’s yours. You are a middle-aged guy. Act like one, instead of a whiny jerk..”

 Society has a chance to make a statement.  “If people quit watching Eddie’s movies,  (like they did for the entirety of the 1990’s), it might send a message to the next spoiled celebrity.

 Yet it won’t happen. There won’t be ten people who skip the movie because of Eddie off screen activities. .

 If people did stand up, it might shame guys into doing what they ought to do anyway--be a father to their child.

 Don McNay is Chairman of McNay Settlement Group in Richmond, Ky.   He is the author of the Unbridled World of Ernie Fletcher.   His award-winning column is syndicated on the CNHI News Service.  You can write to him at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or read other things he has written at www.donmcnay.com.